Feelings and Midwifery

I don’t think I ever felt so deeply before I became a midwife. I’ve been a sensitive soul my whole life, but not quite to the same extent. I remember a couple of my midwifery preceptors on more than one occasion, when I was a student, encouraging me to “grow a thicker skin” or I’d never survive. There were no tools given alongside these statements, and it seemed impossible to achieve this elusive “thick skin” they talked about. I often wonder what they would say now, knowing I’m more than a decade in.

My midwifery skin has probably never felt quite this thin. I feel a lot and feel very deeply. At times it can feel like too much. I have a lot more tools to draw on now then I once did and none of them involve turning off feelings or utilising a thick skin.

I recognise now they were trying to encourage resilience in this way. They truthfully believed that turning off my empathy would make me more resilient.

The thing is I think that one of the biggest issues in our maternity care in this day and age, is a lack of empathy. A lack of understanding and an unwillingness to see others. To see their pain, to acknowledge their needs, and a lack of ability to sit with others in their pain and discomfort. I’m not just talking midwife to client either. I’m especially talking about the way we interact with each other as midwifery colleagues.

Any other midwives deep feelers? Do you consider it an asset in your practice or are you still on a path to growing that thick skin?